Sara: No I didn’t go to summer camp. Tegan went and had a fucking fit. Could barely get through tree days of summer camp. My mom wouldn’t let me go.
Tegan: People were like crying on the first day. And where like “Oh my God, even before I’ve even known you I’m already sad about saying goodbye. I was like-
Sara: You weren’t sentimental at all.
Tegan: No. I was like “You don’t have friends at home?”
Sara: Tegan was like “You know what? I have a family, okay? I miss them. Not you”
Tegan: I was so cynical at an 8 year old. I was so dressed for camping. I didn’t realize we were going to a long dance. Three days of dancing. Bunch of really really bitchy 8 year olds where all dressed up to go at a dance. I was like “huh, remember how we where camping so that’s why I wearing sweat pants on. Don’t look at me like that”
Sara: It’s true but we weren’t 8 year old, we were about 10. Tegan came home from camp and I would be like - It’s like when someone gets ill - gets an illness, and you want to know every detail of it because you want to know how you can make it better and how you can stop it, you know? and Tegan came back from camp and she was so traumatized. And we would lay in bed and I would just ask her so many questions because I wanted to take away that experience for her because I didn’t - She was so traumatized. And I was like - And i thought if I asked her a thousand questions about it I would figure out what the anecdote was.
Tegan: Meanwhile I was like “Please stop talking about it I’m not going to get over it if you don’t stop asking me about it.
Sara: It’s true, but -
Tegan: One thing I remember drifting off to sleep finally after like hours of crying in the foetal position and Sara would be like “But why didn’t people like you? I don’t understand. But didn’t you talk funny? Didn’t you tell them jokes? I don’t understand why they didn’t like you” and i’d be like “I don’t know”
Sara: But I really remember, it’s so cute because we really were truly 10 years old and you really would say to me, you hammered the spoon i remember, she had the wrong clothes, she was dressed for camping and all the the kids where just dressed for normal life. So Tegan had like red sweat pants and gum boots and all the other kids where hot and trying to get laid and Tegan, they would just be like, “Maybe we could dress her up as our janitor or boy I don’t know.
Tegan: First day we arrived. All the popular girls had made friends on the bus i was like a pariah, because I was bawling hysterically on the bus. And they were like don’t sit next to the weird girl that kind of looks like a boy and then when we got to camp they came over, and they were all talking in group, and they finally voted someone to come over and talk to me and they were like “Hey” and I was like [image #6]. and they where like “Oh we where just talking and you kind of look like a boy so we where wondering if you wanted to go to the boy’s cabin and tell Shawn that he’s really cute” and I was like “No actually no” but in true i was just like [image 7]
Sara: What you actually where was “I’m going to go to the main office and call my sister. who’s at grandma’s house. And who is doing a clinical depression because she’s separated for the first time from her sister and -
Crowd: Aww
Sara: But no i remember Tegan would call me and she would just sob hysterically on the phone and i would just be like -
Tegan: The camp was three days.
Sara: It was three days. The worst 72 hours of our fucking lives. Anyways Tegan tells this story and it ends up with this great part and I don’t know if it’s true anymore but it’s such a great ender. My mom apparently bribed her and told her she would give her a present and it was a couple pencils and a bag of chips.
Tegan: Yeah! seriously! She told me “I’m going to be there at the bus depot to pick you up and I’m going to give you a present don’t make me drive all the way out there, I will but you think you can handle spending three days out there? and i was like “f-f-fine” and I was like all day all night I would just be like “I’m going to get a present, I’m going to get a present, I’m going to get a present. and then i got there and my mom was standing there at the bus depot and handed me a little bag of regular potato chips and send me off to my dad’s. I was all left alone with like psycho analyzer, police investigator “Why didn’t people like you? why weren’t you popular? why did you cry the whole time? did you make friends? how come you didn’t have fun?” I was just like “Holy fuck i’m never going back to camp ever again”
This is basically how I feel about carpool confessional. Except camp is life, the present is carpool confessional, and mom is both Tegan and Sara.